The person

To put things short: 


I really believe he has done some decent things in the past, like making the general concept of battery-electric vehicles socially acceptable, but for the last few years, his track record looks pretty bad and is progressively getting worse.


One can argue whether the meme-savvy genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist image he seems to claim for himself in real life was ever cool to begin with, but the recent events showed a character development from somewhat eccentric to outright problematic. 


In general, a single person should not be able to possess this much direct executive power. His political advancement doesn't really help much, either.

Elmo also does rocket science! 

[Not my work. NFT anyone?]

The cars

Even if you don't care about the human management resources, I really cannot recommend buying a Tesla vehicle, speaking from personal experience. They may seem sleek and innovative at first glance, but this impression falls apart pretty quickly once you start to look below the surface (or just closely at the paint quality surrounding the door hinge areas). 


Their general simple design and highly automated production process already enables them to manufacture massive quantities at relatively low cost, but they keep adding changes to make the product even cheaper. This is done mostly by moving former hardware features to the car's software, and while this has the big advantage of making improvements possible through future updates, there seems to be a priority mismatch in the decision making of releases published. Otherwise, it would be hard to explain why core features like the (mandatory on cruise control) automatic wipers and keyless entry via phone app (physical key fob? expensive!) are in various states of broken, pretty much since the car's release, but the latest onboard games and a new light show song got rolled out in time.


There are several other topics (repairability of huge die-cast aluminum body parts, lack of rust proofing, claimed max range etc.) where these cars performs really subpar in my opinion, but do your own research if you're interested. Personally, the only real upsides I found are the sound system and their fast charging infrastructure, which by now is being opened to work with other brands as well. So luckily, one can now get an actually working vehicle, manufactured by real car company, without any real downsides!


So, without further ado, some real world examples of the Tesla experience™:

"My favourite bit is the car randomly not unlocking when it's dark, rainy and my hands are occupied with carrying stuff. The pure, unexpected rage really makes you feel alive again!"

"Yeah, a dedicated rain sensor is fun and all, but we have a camera array! It can do the same thing, much better, with much worse results!"

"Personally, I'm a huge fan of the 'vision only' system. Not only it's useful to raise the company's profit margin, it's also totally useless to the driver as soon as small drops of water are involved!"

"I ordered a car equipped with a radar camera and parking sensors, and got none of these things. Best purchase experience ever, and at such a low price!"

"Well sure, I'm only able to achieve like 70% of the estimated range value, but the weather has been pretty tough for the last two years."

"The autopilot feature only tried to crash the car like twice and decided to rage-beep about four times. Today was a good day."

"It appears to be a brilliant idea to randomly initiate a emergency stop at 140kph on the left lane, next to a semi-truck. I have yet to discover the brilliancy, but it is definitely there."

"Sometimes, the app does not like to respond while the heater is running in full defrost mode. At first, it seemed kinda wasteful to me, but the smell of hot plastic inside the cabin is always so rewarding."

"Why do we even have that lever?"

- Yzma (and the designers of the refresh models, probably)

"Sure, the additional paint color options seem pretty pricey, but in return, they will also cover like 95% of the car with an even coat!"

"The door handles are a nice ice breaker, quite literally on the outside at cold temperatures, but also since normal people do not know how to get into or out of the car."

So what? (aka the nFAQs)

Since pretty much everything can be laid out as a statement nowadays, I was looking for a fast and effective way to state my case (of which I'm certain 🎵). In particular, I want to keep driving my car, while distancing myself from the person, but also from the Tesla brand and it's surrounding fanboy-ism. The easiest way to achieve this is by re-branding, which means I have to (kind of) establish my own brand.


Contrary to the intended purpose of a .com domain, I do not pursue any commercial interest here whatsoever. There is no official merch to buy or any bonus content to unlock (and never will be). The name was mostly chosen because of the re-labeling convenience (see next question) and for the fact that the domain was fun and (unbelievably) still available.


Join the club - become an officially uncertified Cringelon driver! By sheer chance, the stock Tesla license plate holder suits as the perfect frame for a near-seamless re-branding adventure. All you need is temporary access to a labeling machine and a couple centimeters worth of tape. Personally, I used a Brother P-Touch printer with the "Sofia" font and a 12mm black on white label cassette, since this is what I had laying around (and I like the low-effort look), but use whatever you want or have! Bonus points are awarded for additional stickers:

While sticking cringey stuff to a car is mostly fun and games, the underlying message kind of represents the pinnacle of an open social disagreement, which seems pretty important to me. There are certain political tendencies towards a more aggressive, divided population, which are reaching new extreme levels almost daily, with rising popularity all around the world. 


Many supporters of this movement are promising easy, locally feasible solutions to complex, global problems while claiming to take up a conservative position, but their statements are quite bluntly somewhere in between fascism and right-wing extremism (and the "solutions" mostly utter and ineffective/unrealistic garbage from a practical point of view). 


Depending on how you look at it, this may oppose a serious threat to the democratic system, to me it also feels like a pretty big step backwards to society in general. Some of the previously acquired social achievements regarding equality, freedom or even basic human dignity suddenly seem debatable again in the future. 


Since these tendencies have been existing for several years now and only became stronger, it's probably safe to assume that they won't be magically going away anywhere soon. Thankfully, one of the democracy's nicest design features is the ability of every legal citizen to participate in various ways (except if you're currently living in the USA - then I'm really sorry!), the easiest of which is to exercise the right to vote. 


So, if you share an uneasy feeling regarding the current political situation and potentially upcoming developments, please inform yourself thoroughly regarding upcoming elections and competing candidates. If you can spare some time, you might also consider actually joining a political party in your country - surely there will be at least one that matches your personal ideals and values. This way, you can even actively help to shape the future in a way that makes sense to you, instead of leaving this task to the Elmos of this world!

No - as long as real democratic principles being followed, I'm content.


However, if you are residing in the European Union and looking for an entry point to begin your research, I recently stumbled upon the idea of a pan-european party. This concept is trying to solve transboundary problems on a european scale, while still enabling each country to handle local challenges individually. Basically, it represents an alternative, contrary aligned draft to all the extremely national-focused offerings, which might be a much needed step in the (literal, not political) right direction.